50 Shades of Embarrassment

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There’s a “popular” book and movie out called “Fifty Shades of Grey”. I haven’t read it nor have I seen the movie. I’ve only heard about it. But what I’ve heard isn’t good from a follower of Christ’s perspective.

And come to think of it, some of the things we Christians do aren’t always that great, either. Yet we act surprised when the world doesn’t want to act like us Christians. Or when sinners actually sin.

Duh. Pigs can’t act like swans. But it’s embarrassing when swans don’t act like swans.

Here’s a list of some things I’ve been guilty of; maybe you, too.

I refer to them as “Fifty Shades of Embarrassment”.

1.   Broadcasts the sins of leaders far and wide, even to unbelievers.
2.   Promotes discord among brethren, casting doubt on other church ministries.
3.   Declares God’s holiness, yet lives completely opposite.
4.   Emphatically states “God meets my needs” while posting a letter designed to manipulate the release of finances from the faithful.
5.   Believes the blood of Jesus covers all sins EXCEPT those committed by people who are weird, foolish, gay, democrat, or Martian.
6.   Preaches prosperity but asks for preacher’s discount.
7.   Trusts the word of big name preachers, yet stumbles over the words of Jesus.
8.   Orphans and widows are exploited; as their photos are used for fund raising.
9.   Makes appeals for donations, while traveling in private jet.
10.  Does not tolerate other’s mistakes.
11.  Speaks to God with Elizabethan English to appear more holy.
12.  Treats the church as though it’s a business
13.  Cheats on reporting certain incomes, using “It was a gift” as the excuse.
14.  Emphasizes the sins of the world while speaking ill of other believers.
15.  Boycotts Starbucks and other gay supporters, yet subscribes to Dish TV.
16.  Hands raised in praise on Sunday, but won’t lift a helping hand around the house.
17.  Gentle and nice to church people, but meaner than spit at home.
18.  Grudgingly gives 1% of paycheck to church, but donates 20% to neighborhood casino and lottery.
19.  Can sit for hours watching a sports event, but complains when a preacher goes a minute past noon.
20.  Up before dawn, ready to fish and hunt; but must sleep in on Sundays.
21.  Willingly sends hundreds of dollars overseas to win the lost, but haven’t learned the neighbor’s name.
22.  Complains about tattoos and piercings on others, but is harming own body with worry and anxiety.
23.  Loudly points out errors of others, but won’t receive correction from anyone.
24.  Will protest Planned Parenthood, but won’t help the troubled, pregnant, unmarried teen. 
25.  Craves the attention of others, and cannot stand it if someone receives more praise.
26.  Fanatical Christian on Sunday, but in hiding the rest of the week.
27.  First to shout “Amen” to the preacher, and first to gripe about the preacher in front of kids.
28.  Says grace at home, but in too big of a rush away from home.
29.  Annoyed with “liberal” denominations, but have never read the bible to find out what’s really true.
30.  Memorized John 3:16, but won’t support missionaries.
31.  Car bumper is covered with radical Christian stickers, yet won’t yield and let others merge.
32.  Counsels others, but doesn’t follow own advice.
33.  Consistently late for work.
34.  Ready to preach at work, but not so ready to work at work.
35.  Takes pride in a humility that’s more genuine than other’s.
36.  Preaches the need for Christians to “assemble together”, but won’t if they’re Pentecostal or Baptist.
37.  Never listens to anyone younger than 30.
38.  Ignores people older than 30. 
39.  Never says, “No, I don’t want to do that.” Instead, promises to “pray about it.”
40.  Habitually gossips with each prayer “request”.
41.  Believes “once saved, always saved”, until some Christian does them wrong. Then they tell them where to go.
42.  To err is human, to forgive divine… But someone’s gonna have to pay!
43.  Proud of what they don’t do… What they don’t do is much more than what they do do.
44.  Always ready to elevate a new believer to celebrity status, and a fallen brother to their “grave”.
45.  Gripes about all the people who make ministry so difficult.
46.  Wears a 24k gold cross around their neck, but can’t stand it when their seat is taken at church.
47.  Won’t give a dime unless it’s tax deductible.
48.  Loves God, but can’t stand those “rag-heads”.
49.  Rejoices when a brother or sister in Christ stumbles, especially if from a different church.
50.  Declares allegiance to Christ, but not to his work.

I realize the list isn’t pretty. But it’s true, is it not?

Perhaps we ought to work on our list of 50 and not be real concerned if sinners don’t want to promote the Ten Commandments.

Eh?